Black arrows Part Two.

#8: There's something enchanting about her beauty. She keeps a safe distance from the new age monsters of your world. They were created to destroy. They grab and want what they can't have. These monsters break supple necks and devour young hearts. All she wants is to be safe from all the bloodshed. She wasn't made for your world.

#9: You've dug yourself into quite the hole, my dear. Stop wanting and waiting for someone to throw you a rope. Let's get down to the lean meat. Waste down to the bones. Learn to feel hunger and desire. Deny yourself of anything that keeps you breathing. Maybe after there's nothing left you can start again.

#10: Hey honey your breasts look nice in that tight shirt! What do you mean piss off? Your loss, sweetheart. Good luck finding anyone better than me in this shithole.

#11: The pressure in your veins builds steadily up into your brain. 948 millibars of pure fury circling around your frontal lobe. The perfect storm indeed. You're sleeping in bed with your lover's arm around your waste. You think you're screaming in your head but your mouth doesn't open. Without much notice or sound your life ends as quickly as it started.

#12: Trust is a two way street and I live on a cul-de-sac. I want nothing to do with your serpent tongue and body of lies. You keep handing me this basket of shit but I keep throwing it back to you. One day you'll realize that your heart is deflated. Meaningless quests to find something that never existed in the first place. One day soon someone is going to punch you in the face. A thousand pounds of pressure right through your delicate ego.

#13: Sometimes I write within four walls, two walls. No walls. I write in sunlight and darkness. Red ink and black. I would write anything just to make your pain subside. Nothing I have ever said has made a difference in anyone's life. It means nothing if it doesn't mean anything to you. Whoa man, that's deep.

#14: When I close my eyes at night I can still see the inside of his skull.

#15: Alone at last! You would never hurt me, would you? Your surface is so beautiful and pale. It's a bit rocky and big, but I'm sure we can make it work. Why do you only come out at night? I wish I could caress you but you're just out of reach. You're just a little too old for me but age is just a number right? Oh it's getting late. Same time and place tomorrow night?

#16: A million different faces and yet you're all the same person. You're all liars. Having morals these days is like trying to light a cigarette in a hurricane. You lie to get out of trouble and to feel better about yourself. Find a human who says they do not lie and I'll show you a coward. You're lying to yourself.

#17: Some days I want to get away. I want to disappear to where no one knows my name and I am lost. Where it doesn't hurt to take a breath. As I dream about this faraway place I begin to think that maybe you're there waiting for me. The sand is hot on my feet as I walk out to touch the shore. Tiny sweat beads drip into my eyes and I have to squint to get a better look. I can see a smile but you have no face. Your eyes seem kind and forgiving. You have known of my pain and are apathetic to the aftermath. I have no fear now. One day I will get there, and when I do I hope you'll still be waiting.

#18: Please breathe life back into my desolate heart. Pump it full of blood so I can know what it is to be alive. Take this knife and stab it into my stomach. Good or bad I just want to feel again. Something, anything. Please.

Black arrows.

Note: Before you read please note that I often write for both therapy and pleasure. Non fiction or fiction it doesn't matter.


#1: He's standing in the produce section when he comes across a wide array of peaches. He eyes the most juicy fruits and starts to pick out a few. "Ugh," he says, "This one has bruises!," and tosses it back with the others. Even though it tastes the same it gets looked over. Only a damaged fruit can appreciate another damaged fruit.

#2: My life is one of instant gratification. I move fast, talk fast, eat fast, and act fast. If the background isn't a blur I might as well not be moving at all.

#3: Fear can be a fire that consumes all it touches; but panic is like a landmine that keeps going off in your head.

#4: No one looks forward to losing people they love, but sudden death brings a new meaning to the word agony. It gets easier but it never goes away. All the regrets you have and the words you never said all surface. There's no conclusion. You're stuck in emotional limbo for the rest of your life.

#5: I've watched as one event and one man destroyed my family. Even after it passed it wasn't really over. It never will be. We will never see the world the same way again. The swift hand of revenge will not touch him. The rage I have incinerates all the way to the marrow.

#6: Is there someone out there who won't run away if they really got to know you? The funeral dress you never got to wear. The blood stains on the floor. The scar tissue. You can't hide everything forever. They will find out. When they do they will run away screaming as if their hair was on fire.

#7: I have a gift for you and it's handmade with the utmost care. The nails and screws bring a twinkle to my eyes. If you come through that door again I will show it to you. I've been waiting for days. No more running. No more. I will festoon my bed chamber with your entrails.

Autumn.

I love the smell of autumn. I look forward to it every year, and it never disappoints me. It renews my spirit and gives me focus to brace for the cold winter. Let's just hope this winter is mild.

Maybe I really am cold and heartless. After all that's gone on lately I've accepted my destiny with open hands. A while ago I looked at my situation objectively and realized there isn't a point in wallowing in despair because it won't change anything. In the end it doesn't matter how much shit life throws at you because you still have to swallow it eventually.

Like all scar tissue, this has made me stronger. It's like the veil was lifted and I could see how disgusting my life was. I am deeply inspired and motivated.